Talking to Darkness
by semnai
Summary: What haunted Steve about those strange couple of days wasn't the invasion, the unimaginable destruction, or even the many deaths he witnessed; he had seen all those things before, in another life. It was the brokenness, the shear pain of the aggressor.
1. Chapter 1

What haunted Steve about those strange couple of days wasn't the invasion, the unimaginable destruction, or even the many deaths he witnessed; he had seen all those things before, in another life. It was the brokenness, the shear pain of the aggressor.

He had assumed when he first saw him in Germany, and from what SHIELD had told him, that Loki was evil, akin to Hitler and the many would-be rulers of Earth before him. Only out to conquer for the fun, to make life fit their vision of how it should be. Black and white, as simple as that.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

Steve had always given people second chances, the benefit of the doubt. Loki's initial impression was a bit harder to overcome than most, but certain thoughts were getting harder and harder to ignore.

Steve had seen many abhorrent, cruel men, and their eyes were always the same. Icy, tinged with the cruel pleasures they got from their work, and then blackness, an unsettling nothingness that seemed to swallow even the brightest of spirits. These men were beyond egotistical of the destruction they wrought, and cared for none, especially those who got in their way. Steve detested men like this, as they threatened all he believed in. All they brought was pain.

Loki's eyes, from any outside observer, appeared this way. They were dark green, almost black, and they glinted like rough, uncut emeralds that night he fought Loki in that courtyard.

Every time Steve closed his eyes after that night, he could see Loki's staring back. But they weren't full of malice or evil like he thought he remembered from that night; instead, all he could see was anguish and shattered desire, and his eyes pleaded with him for release from this madness.

Even with all that Thor had mentioned about Loki as his brother, it took Steve several sleepless nights before he finally realized what had been perplexing him about Loki. Everything he had seen, the darkness in his eyes, was a shallow façade, a mask attempting to hide whatever lay beneath that Loki didn't want the world to see.

Emotion and sentiment are unfortunately seen as weakness when you refuse to be hurt by anyone else.

Steve had always worn his heart on his sleeve, even before the serum. He had been told that was his greatest strength and he should never change who he was. Steve doesn't break promises. He also knew though that not everyone had that level of faith put in them. He doubts Loki ever did.

He dwelled on Loki constantly, possibly more than healthy, but even after the revelation, he couldn't get those haunting eyes out of his mind. Steve knew it was a silly, naive idea, but he couldn't help but think that perhaps there was some way to splinter and destroy the shell that Loki has created for himself. A way to show him that he doesn't have to lash out or cause destruction to be seen and heard, that someone can believe in him.

Curling up in his bed in the early hours of the morning, Steve attempted to relax enough to actually get some sleep after a fairly tedious fight had robbed him of most of his strength.

Rolling to the other side of the bed, he briefly opened his eyes to glance at the clock on his nightstand and closed them again. After a beat, his mind processed what he had seen, and a shock ran through his body. Steve threw off his covers, diving for his shield that was resting against the wall.

Holding it defensively, he peered over the top of the shield to face the figure of Loki bathed in the faint, but eerily green light of his alarm clock.

"I… but. Wha- what are you doing here?" Steve was felt ready to collapse and could barely process what was happening. One big fight was enough to wear him out. He wasn't ready for a second one.

"My, my. Aren't you articulate." Loki glanced around the room casually. "Not as impressive as I would expect for a mortal of your status in this…" Loki gestured to the general area around him. "…society."

Steve stared at him with his mouth open. "Am I dreaming?" he muttered, almost to himself.

Loki grinned. "Perhaps. You can never really tell, can you?" Loki paused, pulling open a desk drawer near him and studying its contents. "For instance, why would I just show up in the Stark Tower? I believe I am expected to be imprisoned in back in Asgard?"

Steve nodded slowly, his eyes glued to the god currently wandering his bedroom. "You were brought back there by Thor not too long ago. You can't be here. We would have been informed of your escape."

"Undoubtedly. So there is no possibility of me currently being present in this pathetic realm. Therefore, you must be dreaming." Loki smirked as another copy of himself appeared to Steve's right, who began opening his closet.

"I could never just send you off with a duplicate," Loki drawled as he picked up a baseball from the top of the desk and began levitating it several inches above his hand. "Thor has _never_ fallen for that one. Multiple times."

"ENOUGH!" Steve threw his shield which knocked off the first Loki, before flying towards the one to his right, which shuddered and disappeared.

"I don't know what game you're playing, Loki," Steve said slowly, glaring at him from across the bed, as he caught his shield. "I'm going to assume for the time being you are just a dream. You're not… you."

Loki's smile dissolved into a thin line. "And how would _you _have any idea what I'm like?" Who I am?"

"I just—" Steve hesitated, staring straight into his eyes. "I just do."

"You may think you have some idea, _soldier_, but I assure you, you do not." Loki slowly moved around the bed until he was several feet away from Steve.

Steve had only pulled on a worn pair of pajama pants before collapsing into bed earlier that night. He had bags under his eyes, and was teetered slightly, but still holding his shield in front of him. He accessed Loki's state. Real or not, this Loki did not seem to pose much of a threat. He was only eyeing his stuff and as anyone could know, he kept nothing of importance in his room. If this Loki was real or wanted to be an actual menace, he would have appeared in a more useful part of Stark Tower. Sighing heavily, he dropped his shield and sat down on the bed.

"I'm sorry."

Loki just stared at him, confusion etched throughout his face.

Steve felt unsure of how to start. He finally decided on the direct route, which had always served him best. "If you're just part of a dream, you know this, but if not… I've been thinking about you a lot for the past couple of weeks. Which sounds weird. But not thinking about you completely. Your eyes, really."

Loki's mouth twitched up in the corner, still lost. "Is this some jest? I'll have you know, this is not your strength. I'd stick to wars."

Steve continued if Loki had not said anything. "I am sure Thor is most aware of this of anyone, but you, I imagine, refuse to listen to him. Brothers can be that way, from what I hear."

Loki turned away from Steve at the mention of Thor's name. He had now moved to the window, running his long fingers across the expensive fabric of the drapes.

Steve looked down at his bare feet, watching his toes curl around the plush carpet as his stomach clenched. He needed to find the right words. For some reason in his mind, telling this Loki what he had concluded about him was vital. Loki needed to hear these words from someone.

"They call you the Trickster. And you live up to that name. You've tricked everyone. Stark thinks you're plain evil. Bruce calls you crazy. And you may be some of these things but they're a front, to hide how you are truly feeling because you won't even allow yourself to feel it."

Steve's voice cracked on the last word as he looked up. "I—"

There was no one by the window. He glanced around his dark room, and seeing it empty, Steve shook his head. He rested his hands on his face and rubbed his eyes, as the adrenaline of the moment faded away, and sleep settled back in. He couldn't tell if his lack of sleep had caused an unusual hallucination or he had scared Loki off.

Laying back down on his bed, Steve closed his eyes.

"I—I can help you," Steve whispered to the dark, empty room. "If you ever want it."

The room was completely silent.

He sighed, and finally gave up for sleep at last.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! Thank you so much for your reviews! They were greatly appreciated. :D Hopefully this chapter does not disappoint.

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"You're looking bad, Steve."

"This blood? That's why I'm going up to change. It's not even mine. If Tony hadn't—"

"No, Steve. You," Bruce interrupted, shaking his head. He sighed, and continued with the air of giving bad news. "When was the last time you've gotten a full night's sleep?"

Steve turned away to face the window of the elevator they were riding. It was moving at an incredible speed and the view of sunlit, glittering New York it offered was breathtaking. However, Steve was having trouble enjoying it at the moment.

"Honestly? More than a month."

Bruce winced. "It's really starting to show. I can get you some kind of medication that—"

Steve shook his head earnestly, as the elevator slowed and the door slid open. He walked out, onto his floor.

"Its fine, Bruce, really. Thank you though. It's just something I need to sort out myself."

Bruce looked doubtful, but nodded his head as the door closed on him. Steve stared at the closed elevator door for several seconds, lost in thought. He knew he hadn't been fighting as well because of his lack of sleep, but the reason wasn't anything he really wanted to share either. It was something he needed to deal with on his own. Loki, and that night almost two weeks ago, still consumed his thoughts.

Breaking out of his reverie, he turned around to head to his room. Tony's carelessness during the fight had gotten him covered in thick, dark red, almost black, blood, and he wasn't keen on being soaked in it much longer.

Unfortunately for Steve, lounging in his living room on a couch lay the god whose personality he had been obsessing over.

Loki's head was on a cushion, which was resting against an armrest, and his legs were sprawled across the couch.

He looked up to Steve entering the apartment, and a thin smile spread across his face.

Steve panicked, slamming the door behind him, and glanced around the room as if the rest of the Avengers would pop up from nowhere to subdue Loki.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered frantically, even though he had the whole floor to himself. He wasn't sure how JARVIS even worked, but allowing one of their enemies to infiltrate Stark Tower unnoticed twice didn't bode well for the system. However, this wasn't any ordinary enemy.

Loki propped his head up with his hand, turning to face Steve. "Hello to you too," he said silkily, still smirking.

He had come back, which meant Steve hadn't been dreaming the last time. For some reason, this came as a huge relief to him, as he walked down the steps to the living room towards Loki.

"I love what you've done with your uniform. It looks much more fearsome with the blood." Loki sat up. His gold armor above the dark leather flashed in the sunlight that was streaming through the massive windows.

"You should sit and rest. You look weary." Loki gestured to the arm chair in front of him.

"Loki, I—why are you here?" Steve shifted on his feet, unsure of how to proceed. He couldn't tell if this was Loki reaching out to him, or perhaps another trap. Loki was carrying no spear or staff of any kind, but Steve knew well enough that Loki could be pretty lethal without them.

"Your hospitality is truly legendary, soldier. But please—"

"Just call me Steve," he interrupted, sitting down in the proffered chair with a sigh. "You're still not answering my questions."

Loki waved his hand and two glasses of dark red wine appeared on the coffee table between them. He picked one up and sipped it, his eyes gleaming as he looked up across the table. "Enjoy."

"No. Thank you. I guess. Just… STOP avoiding the question!" Steve pounded the table with his fist, causing one of the legs to shatter. His glass of wine tumbled to the floor, the red wine bleeding into the carpet, mixing with the drops of blood that had fallen from him. He narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to ask you this one more time before I get everyone else up here. Or deal with you myself. What. Do. You. Want."

Placing his wine glass in midair in front of him, Loki frowned at Steve and cocked his head, scrutinizing him. "Why do you think I'm here? I know you have plenty of ideas about it."

Steve grimaced, and opened his mouth to respond, but Loki interjected before he could say anything.

"I give you my word I will answer your question after if you answer mine."

Steve studied Loki's face in return, looking for any hint of trickery or falsity. This _was_ Loki, however. After several seconds, he slowly nodded. If nothing else, this gave him an opportunity to let Loki realize that maybe he understood, or at least attempting to understand. That perhaps he had an ally in him.

Steve wasn't here to pity him though. Loki didn't want pity. Steve still remembered how it used to tear him down and render him useless in the eyes of all who knew him or saw him. It was something that was feared and hated. He never asked for it. He knew he wasn't helpless. Steve had to imagine Loki felt pretty similarly, and it was why he had always rejected Thor's attempts at reconciling. Someone like Thor would never understand what it was like for people like Steve and Loki. You always push away someone who treats you like a lesser being.

Loki must have seen some of the thoughts racing through his head etched on his face because he almost appeared concerned. "Steve?"

"I think you're here because maybe you recognize what I've figured out about you," he said in a rush. "That we're… sort of the same. That you're not as evil as you want all of us to think. That your 'evil' is just a façade to hide how alone you've been all your life.

"I think you're reaching out to me, even if you don't realize that's what you're doing. I'm not here to feel bad for you. I'm here to help. To talk. Whatever you need."

Steve finished, anxious for the outcome after finally being able to get what he had been thinking for weeks out there for Loki to hear. He tentatively looked up at him, waiting for his reaction. Steve's nerves appeared to be tied in knots and his heart felt as if it was being compressed.

Loki's face was carved in stone. Steve worried if he was even breathing but figured that perhaps for gods it wasn't a requirement. Suddenly, Loki burst out laughing. Whatever reaction Steve had been expecting, that had not been it.

Still sniggering, Loki stood up, and picked up his floating wine glass as he rose. A wide smile covered his face, but Steve could not help but notice it didn't reach his eyes. Steve stood up with him.

"And so? Am I right?" Steve asked over Loki's continued laughter.

As soon as it began to fade, Loki finally responded. "Steve, it's a wonderful theory."

"That doesn't answer my question. You haven't been very reliable about that today," he said tightly, unamused by Loki's behavior.

"I really need to be going though." Loki bowed slightly. "My apologies."

Steve jumped up, and grabbed Loki's arm, jerking Loki to face him. "You promised," he said, through gritted teeth, "that you would give me an explanation after I gave mine. Now talk."

Loki's face quickly sobered, his mouth a thin line and lips pursed. Steve was still breathing quickly, but Loki had fallen back to the still as stone-like quality of before. They stood less than a foot apart, sizing each other up.

Finally Steve spoke up, tentatively breaking through the silence, speaking as softly and slowly as he could. "I don't know what's going through your mind Loki, but I wasn't kidding. About any of it." His blue eyes reflected into Loki's green ones, begging him to respond.

Loki broke eye contact first, and Steve quickly let go of his arm. Moving the wine glass around in his fingers, Loki stared down into the red liquid, as if he wished it could swallow him whole. He drowned the contents and with a quick flip of his hand, made that glass and the fallen one disappear. The stains from the wine and blood alike faded from the carpet.

He looked up to Steve again, and so swiftly, that he almost missed it if it wasn't for his excellent eyesight, Loki nodded.

Steve knew instantly what the nod was a confirmation of everything. And he didn't mind as much this time when Loki vanished from the apartment immediately after. He understood that Loki might need some time to think after admitting that not only to Steve, but himself.

Loki would be back soon anyway and Steve smiled at the thought.

He took his shower, and headed downstairs to start a search of New York City for a good meal, running into Bruce in the lobby.

"You look a little better, and not just because you're not completely red anymore," Bruce admitted, with a slight smirk. "You were gone for a while. Did you take a power nap?"

"I was just able to clear my thoughts, I guess," Steve responded after a pause. "I think the worst of it has past."


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much once again for your reviews and favorites! You guys are the best.

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"So they really don't have card games in Asgard?"

"No, Steve, they do not. How is this played again?"

Steve tried to remember how it had come to this, the God of Mischief and Steve Rogers playing cards in his apartment on a miserable rainy afternoon. Sometimes, he just couldn't believe how weird his life had become.

Loki had reappeared in Steve's apartment after only a week, which slightly surprised Steve. He'd expected Loki to need more time after their talk, but maybe Steve had gotten through to him more than he had realized.

His appearances were random, but Steve didn't mind at all.

Steve spent several visits telling Loki about his past, slowly, hesitantly sharing with him his life before the serum and the short months with it before the crash. He couldn't deny it was painful for him. He hadn't really been able to talk about this time with anyone, with Bucky's death and Peggy's loss still fresh in his mind. However, Steve felt that reopening these wounds would be worth it if he could establish a mutual relationship with Loki.

Loki appeared highly interested, and listened in rapt attention to Steve talking. He had thought that Loki would fidget, or mess with his belongings while he was talking, but that was not the case. Once in a while, he would even ask a question or two about a certain circumstance, as if he was committing the whole story to memory and needed to know all the details. Even after everything Steve had gone through so far with Loki, he was still surprising him.

After Steve had finished talking about himself, he had entertained a brief fear that Loki would not come back, that perhaps he had gotten what he wanted.

However, the very next day, Steve found Loki in his room curled up in an arm chair, fast asleep. Rain softly pattered against the windows, which displayed a dreary grey view of New York City. He cautiously approached the god, unsure of what to do. How often did he get sleep anyway? The thought occurred to him that he didn't even know what Loki did when he was not here. Did he have a place to stay? Everyone thought he was in Asgard, imprisoned.

"Ummm… Loki? I'm back."

Loki's face was scrunched up, if remembering something unpleasant.

"Loki?" Steve whispered a little louder, and reached out to touch his shoulder.

Loki jumped in the seat and his eyes flew open. He flung his arms out if preparing to defend himself, but calmed once he saw Steve smirking in front of him.

"Oh. It's you. I was just, uh, waiting for you to return." He blinked, and half stretched as he stood.

"So I'm not the only one who hasn't been getting much sleep then?" Steve remarked casually as Loki walked out of the room, heading towards the living room, where they usually talked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Loki said stiffly, settling down on his typical place on the couch.

Steve sat down in his armchair opposite and a somewhat awkward silence fell between them. Steve knew what he wanted to talk about next but was unsure how to start it without triggering any anger from Loki. He knew Loki could have to be rather… sensitive about certain things, albeit for good reasons.

Steve nervously fiddled with his watch, and noticed that Loki was staring and so he stopped. After several seconds, Loki leaned forward. "Any more mighty tales of your past you would regale me with today?"

Steve took a deep breath and said carefully, "I thought it might be your turn, Loki."

Steve watched Loki's face for a reaction, but whatever he was thinking, he hid it well, as always. If he still needed time to get to that point, Steve would give it to him. He knew Loki would talk to him in his own time. Getting up, Loki walked over to a bookshelf, and ran a finger slowly across the spines, stopping here and there at certain titles.

"See anything you're interested in?" Steve joined him by the bookshelf. "I've only read the older ones on there, all of which are great. A lot of them are recommendations from everyone of books I need to read to get caught up to the 21st century with. But you're more than welcome to borrow some if you want."

Loki moved over to a desk that was next to the bookshelf, picking up the only object lying on the top.

"What's this?" Loki asked, haphazardly. "I assume it's more than a really small box you keep on this desk for decoration."

"Really?" Steve couldn't hold back a grin. "Even I know that one. And I miss—"

"Not from Midgard, remember?" Loki interrupted sardonically, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh. Right. It's a deck of cards, used for playing a lot of different games."

"Is that so?" Loki opened the deck, and pulled the stack of cards out. "How might one of these games be played?"

"Here." Steve stepped forward and took the cards from his hand. "Let me teach you one." He walked back to his chair and began dealing the cards on the coffee table.

After briefly explaining the types of cards in the deck, Steve decided to start easily and gave him a brief run through on how to play Go Fish. Loki fumbled at first through the rules, but quickly picked it up and they moved on to other games, at Loki's insistence. Steve taught him every game he knew, and before long, several hours had passed. Loki didn't like losing, and the several times it happened, he would glare at the cards and play with increased ferocity. Fortunately for him, it happened surprisingly infrequently for someone who had just learned what a deck of cards were.

"What games do you have in Asgard?" They had finally run out of things to play, and Loki was now watching Steve build a card tower. "What did you play as a kid?" Steve tried to use as casual a tone as he could manage.

They had moved to the floor after one of Loki's reactions to a losing round had caused the table to become unusable except for firewood.

"Games?" Loki asked teasingly but he was looking at a point behind Steve. He paused, lost in thought. "We played many trivial games and contests. Most of them dull."

"You must have had a favorite though, something you preferred?" Steve pressed, his voice soft. "Or what did you like doing?"

"You truly are persistent, aren't you?" Loki laughed softly. "I guess the closest thing we had that I enjoyed was a strategy game called Hnefatafl."

Steve leaned in, clearly interested, but inadvertently knocked down his house of cards.

"Darn," Steve muttered looking faintly upset, but it quickly melted to amusement when he saw the smirk on Loki's face.

"Stop that." Steve unsuccessfully tried to hide his grin as he threw a card at him. Loki swiftly leaned to the side to dodge it.

"Is this an act of aggression?" Loki asked, now openly grinning as well.

"I think that's all up to you." Steve grabbed two more cards and held them up, as if ready to throw them.

The door banged behind Steve; someone was knocking. He jumped up and whipped around to face the door, heart racing. "Loki, just go back to my room, and— Loki?"

Steve glanced back and realized, though he should have predicted it, that Loki was gone. Calming down, Steve ran to the door.

"Yes?" Steve opened it quickly to see Clint impatiently standing in the doorway.

"Wanna join some of us for dinner in a bit? I think we're going to some hole-in-the-wall. Supposed to be freaking delicious."

"Um." Steve shifted his feet, glancing back to his living room. "I think I'm good. But thanks."

"No problem, buddy." Clint nodded at him and turned to walk to the elevator.

Steve shut the door, turning around to lean on it, and sighed in relief. He walked back to the living room, staring at the spot Loki had been. He briefly considered picking up the cards but laziness got the best of him. It could be done tomorrow.

He turned back to his room, his feet dragging on the plush carpet. He'd been so close this time, and Loki had shared something about himself, so that was definitely something. Next time, Steve thought, there was always a next time.

Opening his own door, Steve was startled to see Loki standing just past the doorway. If he had kept walking, Steve would have stumbled into him.

"Loki? I—you're still here!" Steve smiled at him but he noticed right away that Loki's demeanor was stone cold.

As confused as Steve was by this change of countenance, he refused to back away or show any trepidation at all.

"Uh, what's going on?" he asked lightly. "That was just Clint but he's left now so there's no problem."

It was as if Loki had been shaken out of a dream, or an illusion had been broken, as if he had suddenly realized what had been going on. Steve's gut wrenched as he realized that Loki must be having second thoughts. Probably about everything.

"Why do you want to help?" he asked roughly, stepping forward and making the small distance between them even smaller. "What's in it for you? What's your motive?" His voice was harsh, his expression icy.

Steve didn't waver at all. "Why are you here?"

"That's not my question."

"You're right. It's the answer. You're here because you want help. And I want to give it to you, Loki." His eyes were wide, as he stared pleadingly into Loki's own. Loki broke eye contact first.

"So you imparted upon me your story. What makes you think I'd share mine? A few men made sport of you, I see now how rough you had it," Loki snarled mockingly. He was pacing the room, but stopped when he was back in front of Steve, who stood frozen at the doorway. "I had the pleasure of discovering that the only place I _belonged_ was with monsters.

He whipped around again, resuming his pacing. "No one cares to be around me, it would be foolish for this to continue any longer," he spat out.

Steve stepped forward, holding his hand out as if to console. "Loki…" He broke off, unsure of what to say.

Loki glared at him. "What makes you think you're so special you can relieve me of all my problems?"

"I don't know, Loki. But I know I'm going to be the first to try. If you let me."

Silence fell. Loki had ceased pacing, and all energy seemed to have fled from him. He stood limply, eyes downcast, once again completely unsure of himself.

Hesitantly, cautiously, Steve approached him, as if he was approaching a wounded wild animal.

"You can trust me, you know," he said quietly. "I don't claim to be a lot of things but that might be the one thing that holds true." He took his hand, and when Loki gave no resistance, he led him to the bed.

"Here, let's sit down." Steve examined him, anxiously and brushed a stray strand of black hair out of his eyes.

Finally Loki spoke. "I don't need this, this show of concern, you know," he said, a shadow of his former anger, but more of a resigned sadness which completely weighed him down. It broke Steve's heart.

He smiled sadly at him. "I want to make this work, Loki." He was still holding his hand. "And so you're going to have to let me show some concern." Switching which hand he was using to hold Loki's, he moved that hand to his back.

Loki, who had been just staring blankly at the wall opposite, looked up at this to Steve.

"It's going to be okay," Steve said. "It's all going to work out."

And that night, Loki told Steve everything.


	4. Chapter 4

_You can't fill your cup until you empty all it has  
You can't understand what lays ahead  
If you don't understand the past  
You'll never learn to fly now  
Till you're standing at the cliff…_

Steve was content. Rain pattered at the windows and grey clouds leaned against the glass; he was buried deep within his covers, half asleep, but there was no reason he had to wake up yet. No villain to fight, no one who needed his help, nothing. Hugging his pillow closer, he let his mind drift off again, and started to slip back to sleep, when he felt a hand on his hip.

"W—what?" Steve's mind jerked awake and he tried to pull away, but the hand's grip was steadfast.

Before he could figure out another plan, a silky voice whispered quietly, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

The voice clicked. Steve went very still, his eyes widening. "Loki?" he asked hoarsely, trying to turn his head towards him. The dregs of sleep were still clouding his mind, and he was confused. He was pretty sure he was alone when he fell asleep last night.

Steve could feel Loki's lips ghosting past his ear, and the hand on his hip tightened. "I'm trying to enjoy something here." Loki's grin was evident even though Steve couldn't see his face. "It would be unwise to ruin the moment we're having."

Steve rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't get the invitation." Shifting one of his legs to hook it on Loki's own, he twisted out of the grip and shifted Loki, managing to sit upright, practically straddling him. "And I'm truly sorry if that's what you define as a 'moment'."

Undeterred, Loki's grin did not fade. In fact, he might have been smiling even wider. "It's a nice moment on this side," he said, gesturing to how Steve was sitting.

Steve looked down, and realizing what he was referring to, rolled off Loki to the other side of the bed. He hoped the darkness of the room could hide how red his face was. Loki's smirk though told him that his eyes didn't have much trouble seeing in the dim light.

"What was that about?" Steve asked after a moment, trying to compose himself.

Loki just looked at him, starting to laugh.

Steve was frustrated, but Loki's laugh was contagious, the way his entire body shook with mirth, the corners of his eyes crinkled, and his eyes were warm and inviting.

And he couldn't help but join in, his confusion and annoyance melting away.

It started to get lighter in the room, as the clouds had begun to clear up.

As the room started to get lighter, Steve was able to really study Loki's face like he always did every time he came to visit. It really told him a lot about Loki's current mental state, something that was endlessly helpful. He looked tired, but that was nothing new. Loki messing around, laughing, was always a good sign. He loved seeing Loki like that.

Smiling shyly, Steve clapped a hand on his shoulder. "How's it going, Loki?"

Four weeks and many visits had passed since Loki had finally opened up to Steve.

Loki shrugged. "I've fared worse. I just chose to call on you. As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't stopped by in several days. I do apologize for that."

Steve got up, stretching. It was nearly 10 now and the sky was starting to show signs of completely clearing up. "You were missed."

In the absence of any retort, Steve turned around perturbed. Loki had an odd expression on his face, which had lost the glee of just moments ago, and almost looked upset.

He walked around to the other side of the bed where Loki was still sitting. "What's wrong?"

Loki looked up, attempting to look cheerful again. "Nothing." He slid off the bed and started walking away.

Steve caught his arm as he walked past. "Hey."

Loki looked down at the hand on his arm and then back up at Steve, raising an eyebrow, his eyes challenging. "Yes?"

"Why don't we go out today?"

"Go… out?" A smile flickered on Loki's face again. As surprised as he was by Steve's suggestion, it also clearly pleased him. Steve was changing the subject, but not rejecting him. "What do you suggest? You know Midgard better than me."

Steve looked thoughtful. "Have you ever been to Coney Island?" He shook his head, amused. "I guess you haven't. Well, Loki, you're in for a treat."

Loki narrowed his eyes. "Treat? What sort of treat?"

"Oh, just you wait." Steve could barely hold back a grin. He looked Loki up and down. He was wearing his more casual leather and armor, all green, black and gold. "You might need to change though. And no suit either. Can you change into more casual, um, Midgard clothes?"

"Hmm. Let's see." Loki closed his eyes and yellow light began to emanate from him, shimmering across his body. Shortly after, it faded. He was now wearing fitted dark jeans, a plain dark blue t-shirt, and tennis shoes. All of it seemed ordinary, like what a teenager would throw on before running to school, but Loki made it work for him, in a very good way. Seeing Loki wearing these clothes had temporarily short-circuited Steve's brain.

Steve opened his mouth, and immediately closed it again. He looked away and immediately stole a glance back. Loki pretended not to notice anything, a smirk on his face. "Will this be appropriate, Steven?"

Steve couldn't trust himself to talk, choosing to just nod instead.

"Excellent." He held out his hand. "Shall we be off? To this Coney Island you have chosen for our adventure?"

"Um. Yeah. I assume you can make us appear there? So no one in the tower sees us?"

"Of course. We wouldn't wish for anyone catching us." He looked down at his outstretched arm and then back up at Steve. "Are we departing, or not?"

Steve took his hand, and in an instant they disappeared from Stark Tower.

Seconds later, they reappeared across the city, in Brooklyn. Even though Steve had attempted to visit all the places he frequented 70 years ago after he had woken up, seeing them now still made him slightly uneasy, but also contradictorily comfortable. At least places like this still stood, the familiar and not forgotten. The world could age without him, but he could always rely on places like Coney Island and his old apartment building, even when all the meat markets, his favorite deli, and the bar he and Bucky frequented were long gone.

Still holding Loki's hand, Steve guided him down a familiar, but greatly changed street. Even after all this time, he knew the city like the back of his hand. It was, and would always be, his home.

"Here we go," Steve said softly, letting the nostalgia wash over him. Screams could be heard, but they were only of people riding roller coasters. Lights flashed from all directions, from stalls selling cotton candy and hot dogs to arcade games trying to attract customers. Coney Island was a boardwalk heaven in Brooklyn, and he soaked it in. After a second, he glanced at Loki, who was obviously not similarly affected.

"What type of place is this exactly?" He was glancing around looking slightly uncomfortable and overwhelmed. "A fair of sorts?"

"You could call it that," Steve replied uncertainly. "But it will be fun. I promise." He squeezed Loki's hand reassuringly. "Come on!"

He walked to the nearest food stand, pulling a very reluctant Loki the whole way. As they stood in line, Steve nudged him in his side with his elbow, giving him a small smile. Loki looked over for a fraction of a second, giving the faintest of smiles back, before looking away to the crowd that completely surrounded them.

"They have the best hot dogs here, well, they did at least. You need to try one. Loki?" Loki was busy shooting daggered glances at the ruckus around them.

Steve put his other hand on his arm, shifting Loki to face him. "They're just people. Regular people. And I'm one of them," Steve said resolutely, guessing where his discomfort originated. "Loki? Do you hear me? Regular people. The only difference from them and you is that you're immortal. Okay?"

Loki looked away again, his face set like a stubborn child. "The only difference?" he asked, glaring at an older man walking with two children, each holding brightly colored cotton candy.

"They're not perfect, but neither are those where you come from. They lie, they cheat, they steal, but they also care, they help others, they love. Humans are flawed, but have the potential to be great. Maybe we aspire to be gods, but I think you gods aspire to be like us as well. Why else do you all keep coming here?"

Loki didn't respond for several moments. Looking back to Steve, he opened his mouth to say something, but was immediately interrupted.

"Your order, you two? What'd be fo' ya?" Steve stepped forward to order two hot dogs for them, which were promptly served. He let go of Loki's hand to pick up the food.

"This way," Steve said, pointing to the right where there was an empty bench.

"Here." He handed Loki one of the hot dogs, which Loki took cautiously. "They're good. I promise."

Loki sniffed it and, after looking back up at Steve almost accusingly, took a small bite.

"Not bad right?" Steve grinned.

"I've had worse," Loki sneered contemptuously, but his left hand moved to between them, grabbing Steve's hand and threading their fingers together.

"Of course you have." Steve's smile grew even wider, and unconsciously he shifted closer to Loki.

The racket around them became a drone of noise as they sat there enjoying their meal together. The sun had chased away all traces of the storm from earlier that morning. Loki blinked up into the light, which made his pale skin appear even whiter, but his green eyes almost sparkled.

"Let's go ride the Cyclone."

"The… what?" Loki looked where he was pointing and his eyes widened. "You cannot be serious, Steve."

"Oh, I am. You've traveled by the Bifrost. What's that to this little thing?" he said, gesturing to the old wooden roller coaster in front of them.

A train of cars flew up and down the track's hills, and the riders' screams could be heard across the park.

Loki sighed, scowling. "If we must."

"Oh shush. You'll like it," Steve admonished.

They ended up riding it several times, and after the fourth time, Steve had to stop Loki from a fifth, opting to walk the beach instead.

They slowly strolled together on the shore at the edge of the water, so that the waves licked their feet and their toes sunk comfortably into the wet sand.

Kids ran past them in and out of the water. It was a warm June day and the water was just starting to become less chilly. The beach was slightly crowded, but no one heeded them a second glance, two men hand in hand leisurely making their way along the shore.

"I've been thinking, Loki," Steve said suddenly, breaking out of his reverie.

"Wonderful. There's hope for you yet."

Steve gave him a hard look, but chose to ignore him. "I was thinking that we should talk to the rest of them about us. You."

Loki stopped. "Them?" he asked, his tone condescending. "Your friends, _the Avengers_?"

"Yes," Steve said calmly.

"And what would we _talk _about, pray tell? What is there _to share_?"

"About you. We could—uh let them know that you…" He gestured to Loki. "You know. You're not what they think."

"That I'm not evil incarnate? Brilliant plan. They'll just recapture me immediately. You do know I'm believed to be in Asgard currently, imprisoned? I am not very interested in shattering that illusion."

"I'll just talk to them and they'll understand," Steve pleaded earnestly.

"Don't _you_ understand? No one. Ever. Listens!" Loki snarled.

"I listened," Steve said in a small voice, face clouded with emotion.

Loki looked at Steve regretfully. "Congratulations. You were the first. And the last."

"It doesn't have to be that way, Loki. Please. Can we just try?"

Loki sighed and stepped closer to the water so that it washed around his ankles. His eyes were downcast as he watched the waves ebb and flow. "Why? Why does it matter? Why do they even matter?"

"There's so much more to you than what everyone thinks. I just want them to know that. The world needs to know it."

Loki smiled sadly. "It's a nice sentiment. But a very idealistic one. You do realize you'll be tarnishing your shining record by revealing you meet with me regularly. They could force you out, disavow you, _hate_ you for this."

Steve took his other hand. "I know. But I can't sit by and do nothing."

Loki let go of Steve's hand, but to Steve's surprise he didn't back away. In fact, he stepped closer, a hand curling through the soft hair on the back of Steve's head, and leaned in, his lips brushing Steve's as if asking for permission.

For a second, Steve just savored their closeness, the intimacy, before accepting the kiss. His lips parted, and the kiss deepened. Loki pulled them even closer, and Steve let go his other hand, placing it on his hip.

After a minute, they parted, both a little breathless.

Steve looked around to see that they were back in his apartment, and his mouth opened in slight shock at the sudden change.

"You should tell me when you're about to do that," he said, lightly hitting Loki on the chest.

"Which part? Traveling? Or this?" He pulled Steve in again, giving him another light kiss, leaving Steve slightly red but pleased.

"No, I don't think you need to warn me about that."

"Good." Loki grinned. "Then I most assuredly won't."

"So will you do this with me? We approach them together? You won't be alone, Loki. That's why this will be different."

Loki's face fell, thinking it over for several moments, his mind clearly racing through what was at stake for him. He took a deep breath. "I will agree to go through this with you."

Steve broke into a grin, and pulled him into another quick kiss. "This is great, Loki! Whatever happens now, we'll do this together. I promise."

Loki still looked pensive, but nodded with a slight smile on his face. "Together. I like the sound of that," he whispered. And for one of the first times since childhood, he let himself hope.

_And you can't truly love until you've given up on it_

* * *

_Thank you so much for your lovely comments! The song lyrics at the beginning and end of the chapter are from the song Satellite by Rise Against, which absolutely perfectly fit this story and chapter especially, and needed to be put here. Its my personal Avengers song actually, and I highly recommend it. Thanks for reading! I will most likely start on the next and probably final chapter very soon._


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, I can't believe this fic is over with, but this is the first multiple chapter fic I've ever fished. Thanks for reading and reviewing and everything guys! I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Steve sighed, exasperated. Dealing with Loki in a bad mood was easier than this. Shaking his head, he grabbed the bag Tony had thrown at him and ran down the hallway to catch up.

"A meeting, Tony. Like a group Avengers team meeting. That's all I'm asking."

"Sorry, Cap. Meetings aren't really my thing."

"Nothing's your thing," muttered Steve. "Don't you have them, running such a big company like Stark Enterprises anyway?"

Turning to face Steve, Tony leaned on a door to push it open. "The great thing about being the brains behind the whole operation is no, I don't." He flashed a winning smile and continued to the lobby of the Tower.

Steve grabbed Tony's arm, pulling him to a sudden halt. Tony sardonically stared at the arm and then back at Steve.

"I have this bubble, you see?" Tony swept a hand past his head, in an attempt to mime it. "Bubble. You're in it."

Shocked he still had any patience at all, Steve tried to continue talking. "Look, everyone else has agreed to it, so why don't you just say yes, and you can get back to your…" Steve glanced down at the bag in his hand.

"What's in here anyway? It weighs a ton."

"Bricks. Rocks. All your missing left shoes."

Steve threw the bag at him. Tony caught it with a distinctive "Oomf" sound, barely able to keep himself on his feet.

"Six o'clock, tomorrow night. Be there. I've already mentioned it to Pepper."

"Good, now I know when to drop off the radar."

"Tony." Steve's voice had an edge to it; his brow was furrowed in frustration.

Tony pulled himself out of Steve's grip and looked him over contemplatively. "Why are we having this 'meeting' again? You never said. This better not be like one of those company retreats with team building exercises. I am _not_ catching you."

Steve paused, and stepped away from Tony, waiting for him to finish. "Just be there, Stark." And he turned around and walked back the way he had come, holding the door open for Bruce, before disappearing down the hallway.

Bemused, Tony raised an eyebrow at Steve's retreating figure, and waved Bruce over. "Did Uncle Sam get you to agree to this _meeting_?"

"Yeah, but what's the harm? We probably need one, in all honesty. He's just taking his leader duties to heart."

"_Leader duties_?" Tony exclaimed, with fake outrage. "Whose building is this? _I'm_ the leader here."

"That's right. You are." He started walking out the main lobby doors, and Tony followed.

Tony narrowed his eyes. "You're humoring me. I hate it. Or I love it. I can't decide."

Bruce groaned, and shook his head. "I'm still worried about him though. He seems better, he insists he's better but…"

Tony glanced over to him, as a sleek red convertible car pulled up and the driver stepped out, walking over to him.

"But what?"

"Something still seems off. I can't place it, but maybe that's what this meeting is about? To explain why he's been out of it for so long?"

"Oh, great. You're saying it's going to be a sharing feelings meeting? And I thought I couldn't look forward to it less."

He reached out to take the keys from the driver, who stepped to the side. He hopped into the car, sliding over to the front seat, while Bruce opened up the passenger side door and stepped in.

"It's been months Tony. He should've talked to us about this ages ago." Tony just rolled his eyes, starting the car instead of responding, and they drove off.

Steve endlessly paced in his room. He imagined his feet would begin to wear down the carpet with the amount he had treaded this same path today.

He hadn't heard from Loki in two days. The meeting was tomorrow.

No Loki. Tomorrow. No Loki. Tomorrow. The words repeated in his head over and over, a mantra that matched his strides back and forth across his room.

He kept walking as the shadows lengthened, the sky darkened, until silvery light flitted through the window. After hours, Steve collapsed on his bed. He wrapped his arms around himself, and closed his eyes, with his heart heavy.

_Tomorrow will work out_, he thought as he drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

Morning came and went and Steve resumed pacing. He had tried waiting, but he was done being patient.

"LOKI DAMN IT WHERE ARE YOU?" Steve shouted to empty room.

Silence. He knocked down a chair for good measure, to ease some of his frustration and nerves.

"What a temper. But I can think of so many things we could do with that."

Steve spun around. "_Loki. _Where. The hell. Have you been?"

Loki was standing in the center of the room, in the most leather and armor Steve had seen him in maybe since they had first 'met'. He even had the horned helmet on. He was tense, and his face pinched with obvious distress, though he was attempting to hide it under all his regality. Loki gestured lightly to the room around them. "Just about. You know how it is."

"No, I don't," Steve said through gritted teeth. He sighed. "Loki, I know you're worried about today, so am I—"

"Reassuring as usual."

"But we'll get through it, okay?" Steve continued, ignoring Loki's interruption. He walked over to Loki, laying a hand on his neck, softly threading his fingers through his black hair.

Loki pulled away, conflicted. He bowed his head, as if the weight of his helmet was too great for him. "So you continue to promise."

Steve smiled sadly. "I never said anything about this working out, I know you don't believe it will. But no one will be able to blame us for not trying."

Loki walked back to Steve's bed, and fell back upon the bedspread, resignation on his face. "That is not truly what worries me."

Steve tilted his head, eyes crinkled in confusion. He was almost too afraid to ask.

He sat softly on the bed next to Loki's sprawled figure. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before asking, "What's bothering you Loki?"

Loki placed his hands on his face and silently shook his head. Knowing this probably wasn't the smartest thing he ever did, Steve reached over and grabbed one of the horns of his helmet, yanking the whole thing off his head in one swift movement.

Loki bolted to a sitting position. "How DARE you!" He glared at Steve, though it looked as if his heart wasn't quite into it.

Steve was holding the helmet to his chest, both arms wrapped tightly around it. "Just tell me what's wrong. Please?"

"Hand it over, Steve!" he hissed, looking ready to pounce on him.

After a second's hesitation, Steve handed it back, Loki snatching it from his hands as he passed it over. Steve looked away, towards the wall, fiddling with his fingers.

He leaned down, cradling his head in his hands, resigning himself to silence. He was just as nervous as Loki, but all he wanted was to at least make him feel more at ease. What they'd be facing wouldn't be easy and both of them knew it well.

"I —" Loki's hushed voice shuddered and broke off. Steve glanced back over at him. The helmet was now sitting in his lap, and Loki was looking down on it, fingers tracing the designs on the top. Steve made to say something but thought better of it.

Loki swallowed. "I've always been solitary, you know of this. No one ever listened to a word I uttered. No one desired to ever champion for me and in most cases, even this one, I do not deserve it. I taint everything in my path and those linked to me flee from its destruction or suffer. I know—"

A loud buzz startled both Loki and Steve, causing them both to jump. They frantically looked towards each other, and then Steve glanced at the clock. It was five minutes after six. The intercom buzzed again, and Tony's drawling voice could be heard through a hidden speaker.

"You realize a leader is highly irresponsible when he's late for his own meeting."

Loki cursed in an unknown language. Steve looked frantically at him, his hand flying up to rest on his arm.

"I will run downstairs to the meeting and talk to them for a bit, building up to it and explain and then you'll appear and I'll calm them down and—damn. Okay. You know how it goes, right?"

Loki nodded slowly, his face white as the sheet he was sitting on.

"Love you," his whispered leaning over to gently kiss him as Loki sat still, motionless and as rigid as a statue.

Taking once last glance at Loki, Steve ran from the room.

He dashed to the elevator, which took him down several floors to a conference room. His heart was attempting to beat out of his chest, hammering so loudly he was surprised no one could hear it as soon as he entered the room.

He immediately braced for the damage of arriving now six minutes late. Tony, who was lounging at the head of the glossy chrome table, immediately turned to him smirking, and started a slow clap.

"Our fearless leader has arrived, ladies and gentlemen."

Clint smirked as well, but Natasha just rolled her eyes at Tony.

"Like you're never late to anything, Stark," she scoffed.

Steve glanced around the room, to each of the faces in turn, as he still stood near the door. Bruce looked almost grim, sitting to the left of Tony. Clint was next to him, now fiddling with a small device Steve had to assume was a cell phone. Natasha sat oppose of Clint, and beside Thor, who was grinning widely at Steve.

"Well met, Captain."

"Thor… it's great to see you here," Steve said hesitantly. He had obviously wanted him to come, because out of all that Loki had shared with him, and of what Thor had said of Loki, that he would be the most understanding and accepting of everything. But now that he was here… it just reminded him of the enormity of the history behind the two brothers, Loki's vehemence towards Thor, a relationship that has been unchanged for who knows how long.

He clasped his hands behind his back to keep them from shaking.

Trying to ignore the clawing sensation at the pit of his stomach, Steve stepped to the front of the table to speak.

"Thank you for coming… or gracing us with your presence…" he began, not even bothering to glance at Tony, deciding to first delve into some topics he thought the team would have been expecting for this type of meeting. He knew jumping in head first might not be the best strategy, and this way he could bring up a few things that actually needed to be discussed.

After a glaring at Tony for the fourth time, who had been yawning loudly and hadn't put down his own cell phone, Steve decided it was time to steer his talk to Loki. His palms were moist as he adjusted his grip behind his back. Closing his eyes, he tried taking a few deep breaths to calm his rapid heartbeat, but it did nothing. Opening them again, he noticed Bruce had his hand raised.

Tony was laughing at him. "Teacher, he has a question over here," he said mockingly.

Bruce ignored him, lowering his hand but looking expectantly at Steve, eyes wide and determined.

"Uh… yeah, Bruce?"

He adjusted his glasses, more of a habit than anything else. "There was something I wanted to talk about with you, but perhaps maybe after the meeting? We are finished here right?"

Steve opened his mouth, closing it again immediately, utterly uncertain of how to proceed. "There was actually one other thing…" he spit out quickly.

Bruce raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. All five faces looked at him; even Tony glanced up from his Stark phone, narrowing his eyes.

"Um. Well. It's sort of about how I haven't been myself for the past couple of months, and I've been letting the team down in several occasions…" Steve said in a rush.

Thor and Clint looked to interrupt him with denials, but Steve shook his head. "I have. I know I have, and I'm sorry. But I wanted to explain why."

Even Tony, for all his snark earlier, leaned in and put the phone down, not a hint of a sarcastic remark on his tongue.

"Is'bout Loki," he sputtered. If anything, the weight of their unanimous perplexed stares doubled. The room was deathly silent.

When Steve wasn't able to figure out what to say for several moments, Thor spoke up.

"What concerning my brother?"

Steve brought his hands forward, tightly gripping the smooth, cool metal of the chair in front of him. He surveyed Thor, who merely looked innocently confused. Others, like Clint and Natasha, inconspicuously tensed up at the mention of his name.

"With everything that I'm about to say, just _please_ hear me out to the end. Don't interrupt, don't… don't anything. Just listen," Steve said hesitantly, his voice laden with emotion.

And with that he began to explain everything, beginning with his initial doubts, threading his story together to tell of Loki's regular meetings with him, and how differently he saw him. His voice lost its early quaver as he finally was able to share the past several months' events with them. Everything he had been holding in, beliefs that he thought should known by all. They had to understand, and his desire for them to was clear in his voice and on his face.

"He and I talked it over and though he was unhappy about it at first, he finally agreed to let me try to share this with you. Don't let him down again. Loki _needs_ people to believe in him, people who can see beyond closed-minded assumptions, see beyond past mistakes, and who else could better understand that than us?"

Steve could barely judge any of their reactions. They all mostly looked shocked, as what he had just unloaded on them was the last thing they had probably expected to hear at this meeting.

"So… yeah," he finished somewhat lamely.

After staring at him for what stretched into the longest minute of Steve's life, which is saying something he thought grimly, everyone in the room slowly looked away and glanced at each other, as if trying to confirm that had actually just happened.

Thor spoke first. "Captain, what you spoke of is something I could fully back, if Loki truly desired to abandon his ways, but—" Thor looked uncomfortable, glancing again to Natasha next to him and then to Tony at the other head of the table.

"What he's trying to say here, Steve, is that Loki… Loki's not on Earth right now. He's locked up, remember? I know you're a bit older than most—"

"Of course I know that!" Steve interjected. "I asked him that too when I first saw him—"

"In your room?" Bruce asked cautiously.

"Yes."

"He woke you up while you were sleeping?"

"I—if you're trying to imply I was dreaming, than I would have had to be dreaming about him an extensive amount after that night. Would have I really been able to dream up everything I told you? _Really?_" Steve said, his tone hurt and defensive.

His eyes pleadingly swept everyone's faces for anyone who believed him.

"Our prisons at Asgard are of the highest security. Almost nothing is beyond Heimdall's sight and surely he would have notified us if my brother had escaped," Thor explained, sounding apologetic.

Clint shifted uncomfortably, his arms crossed, and his face hard. "And even if he was free, how would we know he isn't manipulating you, Steve? Gives you promises, lies, tricks you into thinking he wants to come over to our side—"

"Damn it, it's not like that, Clint. Did you listen to me at all?" Steve groaned in frustration, slamming a hand down on the table. "Natasha?"

He softly said her name, his eyes meeting hers, begging for some kind of support.

She didn't answer for several moments. "If anything, I want proof. You come up here talking about how you've seen him, you've talked with him, that he's not really that evil god trying to take over the world. I want to see it for myself."

Bruce and Thor nodded in agreement. Tony just huffed, still in complete disbelief. Clint looked away, his glaring eyes boring holes into the metal table.

"I can do that," Steve replied with sudden authority. He looked expectantly around as if Loki would appear before them. They had talked about this, about bringing him in as a final proof. He just wasn't sure how to get Loki's attention to let him know to appear. He assumed he'd be watching… or something.

Everyone went back to staring at him incredulously. He was really starting to hate all this attention, but it would be completely worth it in the end, Steve thought to himself. Deep in his gut a seed of fear took hold, but he attempted to ignore it.

When no Loki manifested, Steve tentatively called out to the room Loki's name, feeling slightly ridiculous.

Nothing.

A general uncomfortable feeling settled throughout the room.

"Well if Loki really has been appearing to you for the past couple of months, not coming now does definitely sound like him," Tony said, breaking the silence. "This has been… interesting. I do though have some rather important things to attend to."

"Things?" Steve asked, with a touch of anger and disbelief.

"Things that exist," Tony rejoined, standing up and meeting Steve's glare. "And I hope you see a doctor or something."

"I don't need to," Steve replied, his teeth gritted. He had curled his hands into tightly balled fists, suppressing the urge to punch Tony's smug face as he left the room. He turned back to glare at the rest of them, but his expression softened slightly after a second.

"Please," he whispered. "He'll come. I know he will."

Clint shook his head, and just got up and walked out, muttering to himself. Natasha looked at him pityingly but followed Clint out the room.

Thor appeared torn between staying and giving up like the others. Finally he got up, and walked up to Steve.

"What you said about Loki, does sound like my brother. I do not disbelieve you, Captain. I will return to Asgard and examine if he could have escaped from our cells there."

"Thanks," Steve replied weakly, grateful at this point for any support. Thor clapped him on the shoulder, and left.

Finally it was just Steve and Bruce in the conference room. Steve felt numb and rooted to the spot. Where could Loki be? He and Loki had been talking up to the point at which he was late. Why didn't he show up as planned?

Of all the possible scenarios that raced through his mind, the most likely one was that he simply chickened out, gave up Steve's cause for lost and cut ties. That fear that had been building up deep within him was suddenly crashing down on him and it felt like he was breaking apart, fracturing at his core. For as much time as he had spent with Loki, how close he felt with him, he knew truly how unstable and erratic he could be when under pressure. Steve didn't even care that he had made him look like a fool in front of all his teammates and friends. He felt abandoned, rejected, and betrayed, anger and sadness coiling in his chest.

Bruce looked almost as upset as Steve felt as he got up and walked towards him. Steve tried not to flinch away as Bruce drew closer, unsure of what to expect from him. Bruce merely nodded at him.

"Just come over when you want to talk."

And then Steve was alone.

Numbness had creeped through his skin and sunk into the deepest parts of his mind, little fingers digging into his consciousness. The only thought he had left was that he had to get out, he had to get away, he had to leave this building, maybe the city.

Steve fled from the room, taking the elevator to the garage floor, until he met a familiar sight: his motorcycle.

Flying through New York streets, Steve welcomed the harsh icy wind that bit at his skin. His face was as if set in stone, his jaw clenched, as he tried to remember to take deep breaths.

He closed his eyes for only a second, and Loki's face flashed before his eyes. Steve tightened his grip on the handle bars and kept driving.

He was now far away from the metropolitan area of New York. Speeding past cars, towns, deserted farm fields, he felt like he was a part of everything and nothing at the same time, and it was calming. He could get past this. He had done his best and it wasn't enough but at least he was the one who tried. He had thought that there was something more… He halted that thought. He'd recover from this. He had in the past and he will again. He'd pull himself together, piece by piece, until almost good as new. He was Steve Rogers, super soldier, and he could survive almost everything.

The sky started shifting from midnight black, to grey tinged with pink as it got closer to sunrise.

Steve adjusted his seating on his bike and realized it was actually getting slightly uncomfortable to ride. He had been so intent on just getting away that it had escaped him. Keeping an eye out for somewhere to stop and stretch his legs, Steve yawned, and rubbed his eyes.

At that exact moment several things happened at once. The sudden sensation of a pair of arms folding around his midsection jolted Steve's sleep-deprived mind. He jumped at the sudden feeling, and attempted to put his other hand back on the handlebars to maintain control. It was too late; his sudden movement had already twisted the bike's path, causing it to swerve to the right off the road. Steve shut his eyes as the bike flipped and he could feel the split second weightlessness as he hurtled back to solid ground, knowing that he just had to ride out the impact of the crash. The next thing Steve knew, he was sliding to a stop on the earth.

He groaned, blinking rapidly as he tried to get a feel for any possible injuries. A few friction burns seemed to be the worst of it; none of his limbs were broken at least. After he slid his left leg cautiously from out under the bike, he was able to pull himself up to stand and face the cause of the crash.

"How nice of you to come," Steve said severely, nodding. Loki stood apprehensively several feet away, hands folded behind his back and staring fixedly at the ground. He must have disappeared immediately before the accident, and reappeared unharmed next to him. _Suiting_, Steve thought.

He turned away to examine his motorcycle for damage. It, like him, appeared to be sturdier than it looked and was seemingly unharmed, against all odds. A suspicion hovered in his mind, but he decided to ignore it for the moment to face the bigger problem present.

He brushed some dirt out of his hair and off his face, cringing slightly as he lightly touched one of the burns. Out of the corner of his eye, Steve observed that Loki hadn't moved, as detached and aloof as before.

"Why are you here?"

Loki looked up at this, a hard smirk cutting harshly through his face. "Isn't that always the question?"

"_Loki_…" Steve pressed, but then stopped himself. Not again. Shaking his head, he lifted his bike so that it was standing upright. Both wheels were unharmed. He turned the key, and the engine roared to life.

A crackling sound was heard behind him, and as he began to turn, a shard of dark green energy exploded into his chest. Steve crumpled to the ground, clutching his side; however, he was able to recover quickly, jumping back to his feet.

"What are yo—"

Something solid, but blunt, collided with his upper back between his shoulder blades, and he fell down again hard on the grass, the breath knocked out of him.

"Loki!" Steve gasped in shock. In spite of the sharp aching in his side and back, he still scrambled to get back up and locate where Loki was. He was not staying in one place for long, that was for sure.

He spun on the spot, slightly swaying, to rapidly scan the area for him. He felt like a hunted animal, his heart racing and a seed of fear sprouting in his gut. His hands impulsively grasped for a shield that wasn't there.

"I'm not going to fight you," Steve shouted desperately to the emptiness around him.

Loki appeared directly in front of him, and roughly grabbed his neck. "Why not?" he hissed vehemently, his face distorted with emotion and eyes wild.

"Is this not how it is meant to be? The hero and the villain?"

Steve merely stared disbelievingly at Loki.

His fingers tightened around Steve's neck. "Lo—oki," Steve rasped. "No—nothing is meant to be…" He panted for air. "Unless you choose it to be that way."

Loki halted, just scrutinizing Steve's face if trying to read his mind and peer into his soul. He narrowed his eyes.

"What a naïve way to imagine one's life." Letting out a frustrated growl, he let go of Steve, who collapsed to the ground, gasping for air. His fingers dug into the dirt, clenching the strands of bright green grass as he tried to gather himself. He wasn't giving up yet.

Steve massaged his throat as he stood a bit unsteadily. Loki rigidly stood a few feet away, his hands clenching and unclenching.

He wasn't afraid of Loki, as simple-minded and possibly idiotic as that might be. He just wanted to know _why_.

"What is going on?" he pleaded. "Please, just tell me. You didn't show when you promised, when we agreed _together_, and now they think…" Steve broke off.

Loki observed him coldly. "What do _they_ think, Rogers?"

Steve sighed, eyes downcast. "That… I'm crazy. Or something."

Loki continued to just stare at him. Finally he turned away. "It's superior to the alternative," he muttered.

"What's that, Loki?" Steve asked quietly.

He sharply shook his head, looking down at his hands, palm up.

Steve was holding onto his bike for support. He wasn't getting anywhere, and Loki's mental state was as fragile as he had ever seen it. Steve turned back to his motorcycle, and got back on. Maybe it was just a lost cause, maybe everything he saw in Loki was a lie. It would probably be best if he just left, if he forgot this whole damn thing—

"_You_."

Confused, Steve cocked his head questioningly, but did not press him.

Appearing shocked he had said anything at all, Loki crossed his arms defensively.

"What I was endeavoring to discuss with you before—before the interruption, I didn't want to go through this because of you. If you told them, and it was confirmed, they would _hate_ you—like they abhor me."

The wind picked up, sending a chill through Steve's jacket, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. He watched a dark bird peck at a withered brown leave on the side of the road for a minute, before he looked back up.

"You don't know that. And anyway, it wouldn't have mattered," Steve said finally.

Loki made a disbelieving noise that sounded suspiciously like "Mortals."

In spite of everything, Steve smirked, which quickly disappeared when pain in his side lurched.

"You attacked me."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Still well-versed in stating the obvious I see. Aye. I gave you a few bruises. What of it?"

"What do you think, Loki. Why? I didn't provoke you in any way."

His face hardened once again.

"So that you can better illustrate your tale of being assaulted and mind-tricked by Loki Laufeyson to the rest of the Avengers," he replied, sneering and speaking slowly, looking directly at him as if gauging his reaction.

"All I've done is try to help…" Steve retorted furiously. "And you've decided you don't want it? That you'd rather be what everyone believes you to be?"

"Don't you understand, Rogers?" Loki hissed. "This is who I am. I am a liar, a bastard, the Trickster."

"What does that make me then? The tricked? What exactly did you gain from tricking me into thinking you enjoyed my company? That we were…" Steve cut himself off and looked away. How long had they been talking here now? He ran his hand through his hair, sighing.

Loki let out a frustrated noise. "FINE. Is this what you desire? I turned up in your home indeed looking for help, maybe just for someone to talk to. Maybe I just wanted to obtain a friendly acquaintance with someone in the Avengers, and you seemed the most likely candidate. I miscalculated. How was one to predict how truly _sympathetic _and _perceptive_ you'd act towards me?"

He took a deep sigh, crossing his arms.

"No one behaves in this manner, mortal or god. No one is that _good_."

"What does that make me, then?"

Loki stilled, as if contemplating the answer.

"A fool."

A crooked smile appeared on Steve's face. "Wouldn't be the first time I've been called that. Or the last."

Shaking his head, Loki's shoulders slumped. He looked defeated, a shadow of the grandeur god he usually made himself appear.

"I'm not moral or good or just, Steve, and I never have been. In fact I prefer the opposite," he said in a small voice. "Nothing you try will change that."

Steve bit his lip, his hands clenching the handlebars of his motorcycle. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind, a thousand options and choices, each leading him into a different direction. Steve knew deep down that what Loki was trying to tell him was true, but he also knew that that wasn't all there was to him. He couldn't refute that he felt drawn to Loki, that for all his actions in the past, he couldn't help but see some sort of potential in him, some part of himself that had originally pulled his thoughts to Loki.

He knew he understood Loki more than almost everyone, and Loki's actions were still able to baffle him. He was volatile, impulsive, and unstable, but like burning flames that destroy all in its path, he could not look away. He still had the desire to understand, to sympathize, and to try to accept, because he knew deep down in his heart that Loki was merely a reflection of himself. There was no denying that Steve's choice was what others would deem to be stupid and reckless but he never let others define his actions and determine his future. He knew what he wanted, and nothing would stop him.

"Get on," he said finally.

Loki, for the first time, looked completely taken back.

"Didn't you hea—"

"I did. Get on."

Loki found he was unable to formulate a response to this, and instead shuffled forward to where Steve sat on the motorcycle.

"Hey, it was your idea originally," Steve remarked, as he fastened on his helmet.

Loki just shook his head as he swung a leg over to straddle the bike.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Very sure."

"I said…"

"I know what you said. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're wrong. Only time will tell I guess. And Loki?"

Steve looked over his shoulder to Loki, who had now wrapped both arms tightly around Steve's waist.

"I don't give a damn about what they think."

Loki's grip around Steve's waist tightened, reminding Steve of a hug, and he could feel Loki's head nestled in the curve of his shoulder and neck. Steve roared the motorcycle to life and they drove off back to New York.


End file.
